The saying two steps forward and one step back could be used to describe the last 4.5 years of my life. Every time I thought my life was turning around for the better, someone or something would just push me back. It’s an exhausting way to live.
The question I ponder is this: do I stand my ground and pray I can withstand the effort to push me down, do I learn to push forward without looking back or do I accept that 2 forward and 1 back is just normal life? I always feel guilty when I write about feeling financially insecure and believing I’ll never find love again because I know people who have problems well beyond mine. But I try and remember God doesn’t compare me to anyone but Jesus and that’s why I need His grace. It’s okay to feel confused and disheartened from time to time.
My depression is basically gone. I’m not saying it doesn’t read it’s ugly head from time to time, but I can honestly say while I’m disappointed with my current life status, I’m not depressed. I contribute several factors; finding the right therapist, which for me was someone who validated my experience and who believed I hadbeen emotionally abused. Moving closer to my daughter and son-in-law. While we don’t see each other often, just knowing they are close helps. And lastly I began taking care of a little boy last October. He will be 2 this June. His joy for life is infectious. And his love is unconditional and it’s impossible to feel depressed when I know I will see him.
So for now, I’ll keep pushing forward and take those steps backward when necessary, knowing life is only going to get better.