Years ago some people much older than I am gave me some wise insight. When asked if we wanted to know our future, I said yes. They all responded no. I didn’t understand why until they explained that as humans we tend to focus on what goes wrong and not on what goes right. By knowing my future I quite possibly would have missed out many joys because my focus would have been on my divorce. I just never have liked the unknown. I lived in 5 states and went to 8 schools in 5 years. Every time a move was announced, I panicked. It always took me so long to make friends and feel like the house was home. I haven’t changed. Once my ex-husband and I found ourselves in Texas, we spent almost all 30 of our years together in the same town. I settled in and I was happy. Unfortunately I made the mistake that so many of us do and believed that once I had settled into life, it would all be good.
Now I find myself at the beginning of another new and unknown path. I am more frightened now than when I was 9 years old and thrust into a culturally different place where everyone made fun of my accent, my name, my hair etc. Because then I had no control over where I lived or went to school. It was all controlled by my parents. When I married I lived where my husband decided. His job took us from Iowa to Texas. I had no say in where we lived. We lived where he worked.
No one is dictating to me where I must live. It is scary. I am still don’t have a job. Do I leave Texas, the place I’ve called home for the past 30 years? Do I follow one of my daughters? Do I return to where my mother and sister live? Do I just pick a place I think I would like and go for it?
I DON’T KNOW. THIS UNKNOWN PATH SCARES ME BUT IT IS ONE I MUST FACE.